Month: November 2012

Interests, Work and Career

LIFe Orientation

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LIFe Orientation

The Controlling / Taking – Over Orientation

Philosophy:

“If I get results by being competent and seizing opportunity, the good things in life will be there for the taking.”


“I value action.”

Goals:

Be competent.  Get results.

Strengths:

Persistent, initiating, urgent, directing.

Of major concern is getting things accomplished that one desires – and quickly. The person who emphasises this orientation has high confidence in his/her capability, in the belief that given dedicated energy and imagination any problem can be solved – and usually, if within the area of his/her knowledge and experience, through personal involvement. Such a person has an interest in “making hay while the sun shines” and taking advantage of opportunities that arise. Consequently, time is of utmost importance. Further, there is a tendency to trust one’s own intuitive assessment of situations, or to rely on experts who one trusts and, having done that, to marshal the resources necessary to make things happen. This is also accompanied by an enjoyment of the power of decision-making and the delight in autonomous functioning. Challenges and variety intrigue such a person. Consequently someone who favours this orientation is usually involved in many activities. There is a belief in individual responsibility and capability.

When conflict occurs there is a willingness to confront differences in a confident and assertive way to get one’s way and to convince others of the value of the position that has been taken. Through intensive give and take, this person learns the value of other viewpoints and can make decisions accordingly. There is enjoyment of competitive disputation, as well as an emphasis on stating one’s views and feelings openly and directly. In stress situations, there is a desire to restore control immediately, to take actions quickly and to be involved in a number of situations personally. Prompt and competent handling of situations is valued.

Typical behaviours:

  • expressing confidence that the person can achieve what is asked for (I can do that. I know it can be done),
  • expressing desires directly to eliminate confusion,
  • indicating specifically what one is looking for,
  • making decisions quickly,
  • gathering resources and directing them against the task,
  • letting others know where they stand with him/her,
  • being willing to take risks,
  • staying on top of what is happening,
  • acting directly to show what is needed,
  • confronting differences,
  • taking charge when there is no action,
  • exercising initiative to get things done, and
  • acting independently.

In a Hurry?

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Daily Prompt: Open your nearest book to page 82. Take the third full sentence on the page, and work it into a post somehow.

Remember the story of the missionary who taught a convert how to pray the rosary, but was surprised why he finished the rosary very fast?

Well, the convert was not patient enough to carry out the task as it was designed to be carried out.

Shortcuts, instant noodles, fast food, A.S.A.P., pronto, “now na”

Everything is in such a hurry nowadays. I admit I’ve been carried away by the fast-moving crowd. I admit I have to rush in the morning to go to work. I have to use instant coffee to whip myself a morning prepper. I really hope MRT and LRT will extend up to nearby provinces and is willing to pay even P50 (versus the P15) and stand the crowd just to have my 2 or more-hour ride to Makati cut down to an hour. I wish I could coax my brother, or sister to go over the speed limit. How I wish I can do three or more things at a time. Emailing / encoding while I eat lunch in the office, or watching / surfing while at home and having dinner.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the the bustle and hustle of Makati. No wonder I prefer working there even if it means the longer hours, the sacrifices and hits on my health. I love the flurry of activity, that urban vibe. But it does not mean I do not want the easy and laid-back life in the province. I love both worlds.

Just as the rosary is not meant to be prayed in under 10 minutes, life should not be hurried. Sure, there are times when we have to be early or prompt, when we have to beat the deadline, when we have to finish up before midnight. But there are things that must be done with ample time: no shortcuts, whatsoever. Let things unfold by themselves, let yourself go slow and enjoy once in a while. Take your time doing what you love, of course in a schedule that doesn’t conflict with your work. Enjoy the strolls, smell the flowers, stare at those blinking lights. Take time to visit the chapel and pray.

Take it slow.

Blurs

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I woke up and suddenly hugged the pillow. I remembered him as usual. And in the blurry dream I recalled him giving something to his female friend, then she approaching and giving whatever it is to me. I do not understand. Another dream I had was that I found him in a bedroom, with an old dead man on the bed. And he approached and gave me a lingering kiss before escaping through the open windows. And in another dream, he was working on something on the PC. He called me for my opinion. When I came, he hugged my waist and I kissed his forehead. In another dream we were on the canteen and eating face-to-face. He asked for my favorite part of the fried chicken I was eating. And I held up a wing and said, “Thighs and wings.”

Okay, might as well use my thinking to interpret my intuition’s messages:

He gave something to his female friend, then she approached and gave whatever it was to me, while he looked from a small distance from where we girls stood.

Whatever he wants to communicate, he does it discreetly. On purpose. And for reasons I still couldn’t fathom, I still know it. At least I have a vague, general idea. Was it my fault if I happen to take off my earphones while you people share the secret plan? The subconscious question of mine is “Why?”

What’s with the secrets, the “accidents”?

Maybe he’d rather take a protective stance, a safe distance. Testing the waters. Even relying on his friend to reach out first, before he does it himself. Well, that’s understandable. And with that something I received? It was actually small. And sparkly.

Another dream I had was that  I found him in a bedroom, with a dead man on the bed. And he approached and gave me a lingering kiss before escaping through the open windows.

I got this one. This dreams tells me that meeting him brought on the death of my past and the possibility of escape from its clutches. I do admit that when I saw him, all the lingering feelings and thought I harbored for those persons in my loser previous life vanished away. Wiped clean. Blank as slate. Even my obsession with the friend was gone. I can even laugh at myself right now, lightly reprimanding how very SSS (stupid, sill, shallow) I was before.

And in another dream, he was working on something on the PC. He called me for my opinion. When I came, he hugged my waist and I kissed his forehead.

Maybe just something that I would like us to do in the future: sharing ideas, believing in each other, helping each other attain our goals.

In another dream we were on the canteen and eating face-to-face. He asked for my favorite part of the fried chicken I was eating. And I held up a wing, which I was eating with my bare hands and said, “Thighs and wings.”

This might mean he is as interested in me as I am in him. and that I am comfortable with him.

An Unlikely Songstress

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Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.  – Plato

If there is one thing that God has not given me, it would be a beautiful singing voice. I was never a singer, just a listener to those who do. I remember being jealous of my mother, who sings videoke, and I would emulate her. Unfortunately, my voice is not at all suited for such endeavor, and I just end up embarrassing myself.

Adolescence came. I entered young adulthood. And I have had my heart broken a few times and some dreams shattered to a million pieces. I have broken down in tears, I have thrown things in a fit of fury, I have launched word wars. All of them to vent out the emotions that I, the impassive, expressionless, cold-hearted person stored inside. But I still feel the motions. It isn’t enough. It’s ineffective and destructive. And I saw the microphone beside the TV, and it dawned to me.

I now release my emotions or stress by singing. I don’t care if you hate my voice, if I don’t hit the notes, if my voice is flat. I just want to sing, and sing, and sing. And afterwards, I feel good.

To and fro from the Terrace

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I wake up at 3:30 AM. To think I will leave the house at 8AM and arrive at the office at 10AM. I’ve got plenty of time.

I make myself a cup of steamy hot black coffee, grab a pillow and goes up to our unfinished terrace. There waits our rocking chair.

The throne of my daydreams and thoughts, cradle of both laughter and tears. This is where I think of people I love or hate, where I drown with liquor, where I silently break down, where I pour out blog-worthy thoughts, where I recharge after a long day at the office.

Again it welcomes me into his wooden arms. And the night sky is twinkling with stars you rarely see in the metro. The wind is chilly. I rock the chair for a bit, then put both of my legs on the right armrest. One arm hugging the pillow, one hand clutching the phone and browsing while music comes from its headspeaker.

Then some moments of staring into nothingness, but the insides of my head are churning out various memories and thoughts. Or I sit there, taking in the environment, feeling every heartbeat, every crow of the rooster at a distance, the roar of early morning tricycle, the familiar waft of porridge from someone’s kitchen, the goosebumps from the slight chill of the air.

The half-full cup is already cold when I reach out for it.

And dawn is breaking.

You’ve Been Told

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I waited long. You told me I was not priority. It was hard to walk away but I did. Now that I’ve turned my back, please don’t even try to call back because I’d just put earphones on my ears. Don’t chase after because I will run and hide. You had you chance, now I’m done. Nothing else remained in me. Nothing for you to salvage. Enough.

And for the new ones, better be clear with what you want with me. Don’t play your games because I will discover them eventually. Toy with my feelings and I’ll shoot you down. Cheat on me and you’re dead. When I feel that nothing’s ever gonna happen anyway and decide to let go of whatever I’m feeling, it’s a done deal. I’m done with assumptions. empty promises and false hope. I had enough.

I still deserve a real man. And a real love. And you’re not to mess it up by breaking my heart and turning me into a relationship or man-hater. You’ve been told.

The List

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This is a random post, spurred by a random thought. I remembered giving my former boyfriend a royal blue Parker pen with engraving… and I thought to myself, what are the things I like aside having a turquoise Parker pen?

Books. Yep. Or e-books. And magazines! Just share them with me 🙂

A Sony Xperia P, the HK/Taiwan pink version. And the Sony Smart Watch 2nd generation. and I’ll change my current Bluetooth headset with the Smart Wireless Headset because it can be a standalone MP3 player and it flashes messages, FB statuses and tweets.

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A netbook. Preferably the Acer netbook which can be “folded” in a way that it looks like a tablet (Just Googled it. It’s the Aspire Timeline 1825PT). Mainly for blogging, typing stuff , watching downloaded movies or manga-reading.

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A bunch of pink-orange or peach-colored roses. They’re my absolute favorite shade of roses.

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The Transition lens. The lens for the eyeglasses that automatically darken when too bright (like shades).

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Lotsa makeup! Whoohoo! I can afford Maybelline, but I wish I can afford Benefit and Majolica Majorca. More into lengthening mascaras, candy-colored eyeshadows and lip glosses

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A large, fluffy pillow. With the scent/perfume of a special someone or my fave perfume as added bonus.

Elizabeth Arden Green Tea / UCBenetton Hot / Victoria Secret Very Sexy Mist or Very Sexy Dare

Chanel No. 5. Because of ylang-ylang. Or just any perfume or toiletry item that smells of ylang-ylang, plumeria, or cherry blossom also.

A canvas bag. Coach, maybe? Or a bag with lot of compartments.

A pair of stilettos and a pair of ballerina flats (same color, same design, except that one pair has heels, the other pair has none)

Lots of sweets! Gummy worms, those little triangular fruity jelly-like candies, tamarind candies, dried mangoes. raisins, those “popping” powders and their relatively tasteless foot-shaped lollipop partner.

Jewelry. Esp. a pair of white gold and amethyst earrings to replace the ones I’ve lost and also to pair up with my necklace. And an eternity ring. Or half-eternity ring.

A yearly planner. Belle de Jour, Everything is Possible, Witty Will Save The World, or your

<insert coffee shop> planner. Or a quirky journal or notebook.

A nice watch. I love checking out time so much I sometimes look automatically at my wrist to see nothing but a bracelet or rubber ponytail.

Those movie memorabilias. Like the Mockingjay pin, or the Time-Turner of Hermione Granger.

Those anime stuff or replicas like Tsunade’s necklace or Ichigo Kurosaki’s Zanpakuto / Soul Blade.

A Persian kitten. White. With blue eyes.

And, yes, that turquoise Parker pen.

But in the end, they are just damn material things. I’d like to find the company where I’ll stay like until I retire. Be doing the job I love. Meet the man of my life and live happily in spite of all the stress of life. A child with fair skin and curls, if not silky straight jet-black hair. Free access to the swimming pool. Visits to the beaches. Free time to lie down or stay in a rocking chair. Free, fast, unlimited WIFI. New funny tweets. More ideas to write down. Inspiration for writing. Remaining young-looking at age 40 without doing anything. The experiences. They are more important to me.

I guess, this stupid blog is stupid and pointless, but hey, I would like to just reward myself with the opportunity to write down stuff. I love writing. Or typing / blogging. Now that’s a non-materialistic gift.

Cognizant

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When I saw him, I immediately recognized him. This is weird. I almost never recognize people whom I’ve met in passing. I couldn’t readily recall the names of my college blockmates. I couldn’t even remember the one who sold me drinks yesterday. I faced him for a maximum of 10 minutes last year but I recognized him in a couple of seconds.

And he never left my mind again.

A Typical Saturday

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Prologue.

9:29 PM. I shared the last post I read from Thought Catalog.

Around 10:00 PM. Said good bye to the conscious world. It seemed so easier to fall asleep.

Around 3:00 AM. I woke up from a dream I could barely remember. Felt the familiar movement of my “snakes” as they were just fed with sweet soup last night. I hugged the pillow and shut my eyes again.

Around 3:30 AM. I couldn’t pretend. My snakes, I mean, intestines were keeping me from going back to dreamland. But I love my bed and my pillows and my blankets so much, I tried again. But I also have to block the negative thoughts from ruining my early morning. I didn’t succeed. I remembered how pathetic I am and I had to bury my eyes on the pillow again.

Around 3:50 AM. That was it. I had lost the battle to the snakes. I went straight to the dining room and shoved a loaf of bread on my mouth. I made my milk and then ate another loaf.

4:01 AM. Because I woke up ahead of my alarm clock (again, I did not bother turning my alarm clock on) and also to make myself productive, I asked Mom what would be cooked for breakfast. She just told me to cook rice and heat water for the coffee.

4:16 AM. Just finished checking FB, Twitter, and creating the draft of this blog. Shoved the remaining milk and bread down my throat and got down to kitchen business… Oh, did I mention, I had to wash some leftover dishes there? And wipe the dining table squeaky-clean?

4:52 AM. Done! “A Beautiful Mess” was playing on my cellphone by the kitchen sink. Yep. Beside the kitchen sink. That is why I always buy the cheaper phones from Sony. They’re durable. And I usually play music on the background whenever I do the boring house works. I made myself a cup of coffee. Mmmm… my fave.

4:56 AM. Adele’s “Someone Like You” I sipped the coffee for the first time. Not strong enough. I don’t really like the local coffee brands. They’re not as strong-flavored. I guess I had to add some Maxwell House instead.

5:00 AM. Maldita’s “Porque” in the house. “Bakit sa’yo pa nagkagusto, parang bula ika’y naglaho, porque contigo yo ya escuje, aura mi corazon ta supri”

Mother came out and told me to cook luncheon meat. Okay, back to work. I hope I won’t sustain nasty cooking oil burns. The last few on my right arm were still an unsightly chocolate brown against my golden skin.

5:15 AM. Frying pan on fire, meat slices on egg batter, me in front of the PC, “Beautiful Goodbye” on the background. I loved this song the moment I heard it on Monster RX 93.1… wait I could smell the burning oil. Time to put the meat.

5:33 AM. Second batch of meat slices, side B. Ooops. I winced in pain as my right hand did the egg-batting. Carpal Tunnel in the future? “Pasmado”? Oh no. I switched to left hand. No pain, worse egg-batting.

5:39 AM. Done with the luncheon meat and the scrambled egg. Breakfast was ready! But the eaters weren’t. I’d eat a little bit later.

I was musing about “Beautiful Goodbye” The moment I heard it on radio, I assigned this song to someone. It is a weird habit of mine. I designate a particular song to a person or an event, even if the lyrics are not suited for the event or the person. Maybe it is because the song’s rhythm or melody kind of represents what I feel or think about this person or event.

5:45 AM. I decided to listen to it via earphones. My earphones are a wreck. A bit dirty (Hey, it’s white!), the wires are visible through the miniature cracks on the rubber casing, and one of the earphones bore signs of being chewed on by some shaggy terrier (The damned dog is sleeping beside my seat. Shall I kick him? Joking!)

I love this song so much I could even hear the weak keyboards. Actually I liked the song so much I wish I could have the instrumental version, too.

6:02 AM. Just checked my Twitter homepage. Saw the Philippines’ trending topic: #tagalogsongnames. LOLed over some like:

Kalma Lang™ ‏@AyyKalmaLang

NATATAE NA KO  (I Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore)

<I want to poo / defecate>

Matt Reyes ‏@whatsthemattr

snatcher (the one that got away) #TagalogSongNames

Camillo ‏@yogon

#TagalogSongNames Maraming Pera (Best Thing I Never Had)

<Many money>

Hylenne Seblante ‏@HylenneEina

“@ohmauu: “Ngipin mo (Black and Yellow) #TagalogSongNames” OMG I just can’t asdfghjlwertyoxvkxfd :(((((((”

<Your teeth>

Camillo ‏@yogon

#TagalogSongNames Sensya Na, Pangit Lang… (Born This Way)

<I’m sorry, just ugly>

Geraldine Reyes ▲ ‏@GeJReyes

Bumuntis kay Andi. (I’ll Be.) #TagalogSongNames :))

<Name of the one who impregnated a young actress here in the Philippines>

7h★ Books Of Patama™ ★ ‏@BooksOfPatama

#TagalogSongNames Na I-stroke. (The Man who can’t be Moved)

Camillo ‏@yogon

#TagalogSongNames Inutangan (Somebody That I Used To Know)

<The one who borrowed money from you>

6:09 AM. Beautiful Goodbye. Again. And again. Why did I assign this song to him? Maybe my intuition is already forewarning me? Hmm… maybe. Or maybe because I am reminded of his voice whenever I hear Adam Levine (I know they don’t have the same voice)? The most plausible would be that I just randomly associated the song (sans the lyrics and whatever meaning it has) with him. Easy to listen to, smooth, mellow. Just like his public persona, or his voice, or his favourite whiskey or rum.

6:46 AM. Dang it, I forgot to do the bed.

7:27 AM. I had breakfast with Mom instead. Then I’d go back to bed. But not before reading the Daily Prompt from WordPress. Yesterday I was supposed to create a letter for my 14 year-old self. Today I am suppose to write another, for myself 20 years from now (age 42). I’m doing neither. Or one of them. Or both. Actually it depends on my mood. Screw prompts, I’m going to sleep for a while. Thanks for the reminders, though ;p

7:43 AM. No, my snakes weren’t letting me sleep. Peristalis. Hmp. I did some blog editing. I love writing. Maybe I should have taken up AB Communication Arts or Literature instead of BS Psychology. But without the hard sciences and math, as well as the psychological concepts, I would not have developed analytical skills and some sort of an acceptable public persona. Yep, if you know me and you see me as weird or unusual, then you’ll be surprised: I suspected myself to have some characteristics akin to persons with autism. Well, these are subtle, though. The social awkwardness, disregard for socially accepted norms in relating with others, obsession with something (be it a whim, a favorite dessert, or a problem that needs to be solved), and the focus mode that mentally creates a barrier between me and the outside world. Maybe it even has a sign that says “DND”. And even if you call out for me, it will take me several seconds to come from somewhere deeper and open my ears.

8:05 AM. I went to the veranda and my tomcat, dirty from sunbathing on the dusty cement, wanted to cuddle. So I cuddled my cat, smelling of dust. He adored it. I loved his black-and-white fur coat. And the black patch on his chin that looked like a moustache. And the black patch on his head, like short hair, and of course, the black spot on his back. He was so affectionate. :3

8:31 AM. Just when I was about to sleep, Mom came in with a booklet on pregnancy. We talked about my sister’s checkup, about my kidney woes, Dad’s nightly “explorations” and my first ex-bf. She said it should be I who must bear a child, not the youngest. I replied that (in my head” yeah no one’s hitting on me anyway so it…”) was impossible for the moment. Then my other sister came and we chatted some more. When the preggy one peeked in, Mom and Other Sis went out to join her. Now, can’t go back to sleep.

9:31 AM. Just had a bath. I wish we had a tub, a jacuzzi AND a kid-friendly pool. I love water and the color blue. I wish I could sprout tail fins and be a mermaid. I would dive to see the coral reefs, explore subterranean trenches and visit ol’ Titanic.

Meanwhile, I was about to open my tangible journal. Last entry was May 2012. Seems redundant for me to keep a journal and a blog. But I can doodle and draw in a journal, though. I wish I would be able to buy myself a Samsung Galaxy Note II. The S-Pen won’t go to waste, I promise. The thing is, I had to prioritize upgrading our PC so my brother can do freelance graphic design and 3D rendering. Okay, my dream phone would have to take a backseat.

11:20 AM. We had been watching “Be Careful With My Heart” after we ate lunch and it was really such a heart-warming story. “Buti pa si Yaya Maya may love story, hahaha” By the way I had been on the elevator with Richard Yap a.k.a. Papa Chen and Sir Chief when I was still working in a broadcasting company. Talk about being lucky!

12:25 PM. Just had my talons finger painted posh pink. It’s my one and only Revlon, as I’m not someone who would purchase a nail enamel for P250+. I actually got it bundled with their auburn hair coloring. Yep I colored my hair myself. I would have loved to include the toenails but they’re in dire condition already. My feet looked like those of an old beggar already. 😦

1:03 PM. Father requested me to pull out his white hair. I obliged. This task was mine the moment I learned how to grasp a “chane” or hair plucker. The task was futile, though. He just had too many “uban” or white hair! I massaged his head instead. And popped out those blackheads from his forehead. Sorry, couldn’t help myself. Gross, hahaha! But I loved doing that for Papa. And I was reminded of my third boyfriend, “the one who got away.” Cuddling with him was not complete without me pointing out his blackheads and whiteheads. I even bought this pointy thingy and used it on his black-and-whiteheads whenever we got the chance. This was also my way to snatch kisses from him, hahahahaha…… hmm, so nostalgic. Oh well, past is past.

1:41 PM. Siesta. Almost everyone were in bed. Even the pets. So I followed suit. I couldn’t do anything with the cellphone as it was being charged. Also the PC as it was just recently shut down. No inclination to watch cable TV so, yep, I’d rather nap.

4:08 PM. I woke up. My mom and sister were gone to the doctor. I overcharged the cellphone and I was wondering what to do. Yeah, I wanted some snacks and get rid of my one-peso coins so I went out to the subdivision’s fave food place. Too great the sun was low; this vampire wouldn’t tolerate it.

It was quite a long walk to that small open garage where people flocked to buy burgers, empanada and finger food. It was jam-packed. I felt conscious of my bulging belly fats. And I was the oddity among them: cream-colored, chinky-eyed and wearing my dress purchased waaay back highschool days. It took while before I got my ordered food but hey, it was worth the wait! I got fishballs and quail eggs in sweet sauce, sour cream french fries and green gulaman (I like their gulaman, au naturelle) for thirty pesos! That’s less than a dollar for you, foreigners!

6:07 PM. Mom and sister came back. They just had some laboratory tests because the doctor was out. Mom proceeded to cook dinner. I was tasked to buy softdrinks. Mmmm. Wait, I was still “unattaching” my butt from the chair. I was the perennial errand runner of the family. Even if I had younger sisters. Why you no help me, eh?

7:19 PM. Still in front of the PC. Got impatient over the slow webpage download of Mangareader. Dang, I wanted to read Naruto and Bleach! Turned to surfing instead: Research on random stuff I want to learn about via Google and Wikipedia, liking and posting on FB, tweeting and retweeting on Twitter, searching and reading on Thought Catalog, checking out stuffs that I wish I could purchase like those phones on CMKCellphones and GSMArena. This is the sedentary life! Thank God for the PC, for the internet, for everything online. And also to this cat on my lap.

7:37 PM.  Saw the pictures I took during the Ayala Triangle Garden lights and sounds performance last year. It was soooo magical! I watched it alone, though. Why do I always do things alone? Maybe because I couldn’t wait? Or that my preferences were a bit odd? Or that my companions would not tag along? So sad! Oh well, I couldn’t just force my choices on other peoples, no?

I wish I could have a willing partner whom I could drag into events and places like this. I have a list in mind: watch plays, attend concerts, go places, eat out in restaurants. All-day unlimited access to Ocean Park, Enchanted Kingdom, Star City and other amusement parks. Go gambling and watching The King and I in Resorts World. Splash in various beach spots like Boracay, Dakak, Puerto Galera, Zambales, Batangas and Caramoan (where they shot Survivor Philippines). Visit the museums and Intramuros. Window-shop in ALL Ayala Center Malls. Pig-out in MOA’s buffet spots (Buffet 101 and Vikings, for example). Eat at the original Dampa /Seaside in Roxas Boulevard, and also walk along Roxas Boulevard. Some of these I’d accomplished, many of them weren’t. Still waiting for the partner-in-crime. Don’t worry, it’s not mandatory to do ALL of these in a year; we can do them one-by-one, little-by-little.

(It is 8:00PM already)

God, I’m getting sentimental again. I’m still too young to be so anxious to be in a relationship. On the other hand, I want to start living life to the fullest, and I cannot do it if I don’t have one, just one person who’d accompany me. I have a few friends but we’re gone separate ways already. During one Tanduay Ice-induced state I even said to Him: “I’m asking for just a person, ONE person. Why can’t I have one person?”

The next day I was reprimanded by my confidante and mentor. Things will come  your way eventually. You should just stay put and focus on other things, that was his message. Still, I was unhappy. People I liked, or even loved weren’t available to me:

– one who friend-zoned me (Bad Me: We’ll never be friends again.)

– one who chose my friend instead (Bad Me: WTH, was I supposed to be the bridge?!)

– one who admitted he saw me as an option (Bad Me: Your “priority” doesn’t like you, right?)

– one who is engaged (Bad Me: No wonder you started hiding whenever I was around.)

– one who is married (Good Me: Too bad, we’re compatible but still…)

– one who is married also (Bad Me: You flirted with me, you nearly let me on, you B.)

– one who’s hung up with somebody else (Good Me: Get over her. Please?)

Maybe my confidante was right: My supposedly life partner was dead already. Or in another cycle of reincarnation.

8:17 PM. My eyes were starting to hurt. My head also. Adele’s Someone Like You. 

8:20 PM. Now playing: Magic by B.O.B. ft. Rivers Cuomo. This was the song I associated with my previous company’s summer outing. It was my first time to be in a white-sand beach. Ever. In. My. Life. And I was so addicted with the whole idea of “This is the beach!” that we swam at the pool until the caretaker pleaded with us to leave. That I woke up at 6AM and proceed to swim at the beach with the other early birds before breakfast at 8AM. That I spent the whole morning learning how to float in salt water, sustaining no major sunburn and perforating my eardrums. I was not so lucky with pool water, I was just so damn afraid to drown I couldn’t relax enough to float. Ahhh I miss that place in Batangas! I miss dipping in the pool, and wading through sea water.

8:50 PM. I.M. with a friend while I was on the rocking chair. The parol was emitting blinking lights that induced a mild headache. But it was gone.

9:17PM On my bed, hugging the pillow and signing out. Hello dreamland! I hope you bring me good dreams! Good night.