It Was But A Fleeting Moment

It was only a month but I couldn’t remember the feeling as if it was a memory from a very long time ago.

You see, I thought it would be just another evening, where I smile my politely pained smile and utter pleasant nothings at strangers I barely knew and then I would go home and just forget their faces, as I do not even bother to memorize their names.

A wallflower.

No, I would not be like that tonight.

I had a potion that would tear the walls and release the real me.

The night was sensual in its darkness and warmth. Voices sounded like lilting music. Breaths mingled. Laughter roared. The scent of alcohol wafted.

The night was intoxicating. The faces were blurry but the banters were crystal clear. Chinks of bottles for toasts and well wishers.

I was bare. And I was safe. But not for long.

You were the life of the party and the death of me. Your banters and laughter and antics nearly brought me in tears. Words exchanged were daggers in my chest. Your gestures caught me by surprise and it wounded me. My heart was trapped.

Such a wicked man you were. A daredevil with the heart of stone and eyes of flint. A bloodsucker. Prey of virgins and sluts alike. All hidden by a winning smile. Ah, those smiles overshadowed everything else. You see it, you get blinded.

A fucking tease, that was you.

I went back to my lair with a death sentence and I was euphoric about it. I saw cupcakes and rainbows and hope where none existed. My white dress were done, my vows were memorized, and and was ready to jump into the unknown. However it consumed me, this feeling that reached a hundred degrees. It took me away from my roles, from my ministrations, from my reality. I was trapped in an illusion of my own doing.

It took hundreds of owls sending secret notes, several bottles of sobering potions and antidotes, and the suggestive powers of three wizards to wake me up from that slumber.

From euphoric to miserable I went down the hill. The cold was harsh. I gnashed, shook my fists towards the heavens and utter innumerable curses towards no one in particular. For deep in my aching heart, it was, ultimately, my fault. I let my guard down.

And mine eyes laid upon a lone star up in the dark sky. All went black as a vision took over.

The night was sensual in its darkness and warmth. Voices sounded like lilting music. Breaths mingled. Laughter roared. The scent of alcohol wafted.

The night was intoxicating. The faces were blurry but the banters were crystal clear. Chinks of bottles for toasts and well wishers.

I was bare. And I was never safe. I saw the way he moved, the way he flitted from one place to another, the predatory glint in his eyes. The honeyed voice hiding a menacing tone. My heart skipped a little and then it went still.

I have loved and lost. But I’d revel in that loss. The loss made me see the world in a new wavelength. However, I couldn’t deny that, you were a promise, but was a disappointment as well.

I would be a wildflower.

I saw you in the market the next day, a lady hooked in your arms. We shared a look. But in that look I have already whispered your real name. In that brief second our eyes met I have already whispered truths and words that will someday bring you down.

If I have met you at an earlier time, I would have loved you even more. It was just so bittersweet. I could not handle it so I went to the pool of forgetfulness and bathed in its bliss.

A fleeting moment, that was you.

So today, in the company of people and wizards alike in the very same place, I have a vague memory of someone I met and lost. Perhaps he died, I thought. Again, just a fleeting memory.

I smiled a rueful smile.

It was but a fleeting moment.

  • CT. 04.22.17.
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