For every person who is comfortable being single
, there is someone else who has gone straight past ‘comfortable’ and is now veering into a deeply bleak territory. Family members worry about you. Friends try to set you up with any number of dates. Coworkers constantly nominate you for extra projects because they know you have no one to go home to. Because you, my friend, my curmudgeonly grumpy sourpuss of a friend. You are just forever and ever and ever alone.
1. Your favorite sleeping position is sprawled out, in the center of the bed, legs and arms in every possible different direction, with multiple pillows supporting key points of your body. Even if you sleep in a king-sized bed, where is anyone else supposed to fit?
2. The last time somebody hit on you, you secretly wondered if someone had put them up to a bet.