Out of League

It’s her hair and her eyes today that just simply take me away 

It’s another day in the silent, nearly unoccupied office. It was nearly noon, but he had just arrived. He sat, his back turned on us new hires. I stared at his back. His broad shoulders and back. His short hair. And the moment he started to look at the pretty female recruiter beside him, I lowered my gaze. I still looked surreptitiously.  He stood up and talked to their sourcing assistants with a pitch like a gay person. But the ebony black hair framed his perfectly shaped face well, his lips were thin, his eyes a little bit slanted, and the perfect arch of his nose made him look attractive to me. And he would stand to approach the guys, nearest to us and speak in a low and manly voice. And I did not know if he was looking at me or not for I was keen to pretend to read the training handouts for the third time.

and the feeling that I’m falling further in love makes me shiver but in a good way

I had first met the man when I was seeking employment in a multinational company and he was who summoned me for the second interview. He wore a dark polo, maybe royal blue, maybe black. And I kept looking at him for he looked like someone I knew in college. As for the interview, it went all wrong, I suppose. It was because I never got a call from them again, even though I agreed with the contractual employment. Nearly a year later, I was invited back for an interview in another position.

all the times I have sat and stared 
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair

I was sitting inside the waiting room when he opened the door and called out for some applicants. I instantly recognized him and I did swear he spared a look at me, in a red top, black leggings and teal pashmina. He lost weight, and was looking dashing in his white short-sleeved barong. I loved the voice, nothing too deep, nothing too gay. And for the mere seconds to look at him, my heart did skip a beat while my mind was still wondering why my interviewer was taking so long.

and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say 

The interview went for hours, and I had not eaten snacks nor dinner. I went down the building as fast as I could and bustled through the glass exit doors when I thought I saw him, sitting and puffing a cigarette. I was not even sure, for several people wore the same attire. Still, that man made me stop to look at his hair, dark as the night, and his broad shoulders. I shook off a stupid, far-fetched idea of mine and went for the nearest fast food chain to wolf down a spicy chicken meal.

coz I love her with all that I am 
and my voice shakes along with my hands 

Nowadays I could not suppress my smile whenever I see him. I know he is eyeing me, or maybe he is just a person with the most dazzling smile I’ve ever seen, that it was just a mere coincidence that I saw him smile. I dread the time that I would not be able to see him. I wait for the time when we would be introduced to each other, and the ball will get rolling. But I am certain of the ff: I really like him, at least his looks. I love his nose the most, and I want to own his lips. Seems pretty shallow, but these are all I know about him.

I would like to spend time talking with him over frappe and coffee, or over American-sized meal portions. I want to know if he is really a party-goer and go-getter, or he also prefers some solitary periods. I want to learn how he does his job flawlessly. I want to know him better.

coz she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need

I do not like to assume, as I unfortunately did many times before, so I would just say that I was smitten. I was hooked. He is the Gamechanger. He turned my world upside-down, shattered my defenses, rendered me weak and helpless. When I laid my eyes on him, it’s as if nothing else matters. That the world is utter nonsense if I would not be able to be with him.

I was excited to start working, partly because I would finally meet him. But days passed but nothing happened to have our paths crossed. Partly my fault, for I was not able to socialize with his team. Partly his fault, for maybe he is gay, or attached, or whatever, but still he’s holding at bay. And I am feeling that we may not be meant for each other. For he is too social, I’m too private. And the barriers are there. Both are reluctant to make a move. I am also starting to feel that maybe this nothing but a game of cat-and-mouse. And I am here, foolishly venting out the frustration in an online diary instead.

…and I’m out of my league once again.

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